secoret lukisan hati

hidup ini kadangnya mendung
selalunya cerah
adakalanya ribut melanda
itukah hidup
itukah alam
entahlah
dalam kekalutan itu
aku tetap begini
tetap disini
tetap juga begitu
tidak mengerti
dan tidak juga mahu memahami
biarlah
biar ia berlalu
kesannya walau pudar
ditiup angin
ditelan zaman
dikelabukan perjalanan kehidupan
namun ia tetap disitu
kekal begitu

Awan Mendung Kelabu

yalah, memang kelabu sungguh my blog ni. ntahla apa benda yg di 'busy' kan sangat tu. now ni dah pun nak sampai hujung semester and meeting all those dateline or should it be 'dead'line! :)
sedar tak sedar, pejam celik pejam celik, dah pun nak hujung tahun 2008. somehow teringat klise dlm Meet Joe Black which says '60 years...it goes with a blink'....something like that la. really....feel it was yesterday masuk 1 january and with a blink dah pun end of october and soon end of december....hopefully not yet end of the world. masyaallah subhanallah.....belum cukup lagi amal pahala nak bg breakeven ngan dosa2 yg ada....astagfirullahalazim......

dalam separuh sedar juga dah almost nam tahun kat kuching ni. really like it here.....maybe because of the people....the places and also my working environment which is sooo much the opposite when i was in KL. I was transferred here just after delivery of my first baby. those time memang hectic bila ingat balik. Yalah, baru je kawin dah preggy. and baru je habis pantang dah fly ke sini. dan after cuti 2 bulan tu terus masuk kerja ofis baru! wah....to top it up, the first house yg kitaorg sewa dulu kat sini penuh dgn tikus. I mean those big-big rats (confirm tak sama dgn ratatouille the movie). dan few months ke or the next year (sendiri pun tak ingat dah..it was way back in 2003) our house involved dgn banjir - the big one in history la kat kuching ni .
since then, we have live in three different houses
and alhamdulillah no other big tragedy in the later years. syukran....syukran.....ehehehe

yg buat rasa nak flash back ni bukan apa, i will be transferred back to headquarters at petaling jaya might be by end of this year. still waiting for the official letter coz verbal order dah dapat. berat hati nak pindah and I'm so reluctant to live in KL....many bad memories la kat sana......huhuhuhuuhu.........don't want to elaborate on that though.

hmmmmmmmmm...........what else to do but to think positive and keep looking at the bright side....such as to be nearer my parents whom doesn't get any younger. living in KL make it easy to comute back to kuala kangsar whenever i want (janji ada budget plus full tank....hehehe). unlike Kuching where we -me n hubby - have to really sit down and scatch some budget everytime booking ticket. now nie regardless air asia ka....mas ka....the fare are almost the same and it doesn't get more cheaper. the point is....it is ridiculous to plan balik kampung every month!!! so better stay in kl then - u can go from one state to other state (KL to Perak ......hmmmm) just in one day or rhetorically speaking in just few hours.hmmmmm.....sigh again.

walauapapun tetap sedih tahap tertinggi la nak tinggalkan Kuching ni....huwawawawawa..........

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AIRIL

Hari ni birthday anak buah (my brother's son). Mohamad Airil Iskandar is turning 1 year old today!

Happy Birthday to you.....Happy Birthday to you....Happy Birthday to you....

from mak long, pak long, kamelia dan farhan.

MARIAH CAREY - BYE BYE [HIGH QUALITY VIDEO]

This songs touch my heart and remind me of all people I've lost ...

Cancerian Girl

Just read my zodiaq in Cleo for the fun of it....the magazine writes:

CANCER BABE!
YOU ARE: Hard working, tenacious and you tread coutiously - you have sharp instincts and as it takes you a long time to let people in, you're often a killer business woman. [MY PERSONAL THOUGHTS : I'm so fall into category of not-so-hard-working!!!!! I tend to be complacent with what I am now....huhuhhuhu.....too bad.]

THE GOOD: Your're sensitive to others and are willing to work hard to make people happy. When surrounded by the right people, you also love to party and let out the wild goddess within! [Oh my God....this one is so true.....hahaahah. Yes I do love partying but don't have the chance to go to any and furthermore my 24-limited time will never permit me though....sigh.....Teringat zaman sekolah dulu buat slumber party kat rumah nenek Jija....so kelakar with make up and everything...
AND YES again.....I'm sensitive and can be overly sensitive too. which mean a not so good thing of me.]

THE BAD: Your moods can take people on a roller-coaster ride and if you're upset, it can take a very, very long time for you to pull yourself together again! [MY PREDICTION : What can I say.....my sin....my sin! Somehow I'm so upset these last few days....huhuhu.....]

LOVE MATCH: You need to be able to trust your guy romantically and feel that he's there for you to lean on. If you feel unsure then insecurities can sky roket so you need a good, strong man who also knows how to treat you like the lady you are, make you laugh and get on with your family. [Well, I guess this one I have to leave it to my hubby for his comment.....hahahah]


Not in my own goodself now....my final exam will be this coming Sunday! Gosh ...how time fliesssss. and so much of other things which need to be submitted on that same day. I'm so in trouble.....

Happy 3rd. Birthday My Dear Boy

23rd. May 2008 was Farhan's 3rd birthday. For the last two years we didn't celebrate, can't remember why...either too busy or we just spent luxuriously on him on his special day. This time pun tak lah celebrate sangat, juz a simple blow of a small candle.hehehe.....tapi si kakak yg sampai menangis tak dpt tiup lilin! video ni tak reti plak camne nak rotate gambar dia.

We all pegi Spring. Bawa Farhan ronda all the toy shop but end up he doesn't know what to chose. His auntie want to buy present for him tp sebb Farhan pun sampai tak tahu nak pilih so mummy dia nilah yg decide. At last beli kasut Adidas seketul.hehehe

Takleh nak story panjang coz nak kuar jenjalan. Lenkali me update. Bzzzz.......as alwyz..

Westlife - You Raise Me Up [Tickled Pink 2005]

Mak, Selamat Menyambut Hari Ibu. And to all mothers (and mother's to be!) out there....may all are bless with good health and good life with your beautiful family.

Holiday Mood

This week I'm still with my holiday mood. Bz updating my blog....my facebook....uploading photos to my photobucket......... etc....etc.....Bila bukak astro plak mesti nak tengok AFC channel 703. People who know me ....really ..r.eally know me ...will know how 'buta' I am bila masuk bab masak ni. Kadang tu masak nasi pun tak betul! wakakak.........but still I'm a mother of two. Its like an unwritten agreement with my hubby before we get married. I don't know how to cook and cooking never interest me so if u want someone to cook for you.....well....find someone else to marry.....hehehe......how kejam huh!
what the heck!!!! Dulu-dulu suka sangat tengok channel home&living (tak ingat la) tp that time those channel foc ...bila dah kena bayar ni malas la plak. Sekarang ni pun I'm paying for two decoder dlm rumah yg comel ni. One for me and hubby and the other one....sapa lagi kalau bukan for the kids. They'r so lucky! hmmm......
U-Turn pd topik asianfoodchannel, it looks so easy on tv and sooooooo delicious too! If i have all the money in the world, might be I will spent buying all those cooking gadgets and ALL the finest ingredient for every recipe.hahahah..........what a dream and those dream will kill my dream to lose my weight. Its funny during my teen years I was very the very underweight and no clothes will fit me just right and my world is totally turned upside down coz now I'm very much overweight and still can't find suitable clothes all the times. (Sigh......!)
Went to UNIMAS today to sort several things. Get my result.....hooray! Not that good but the least I can hope for is to be better than previous semester. It so different to compare during my degree time almost ten years ago. Those are my best years, at least I manage to get few dean's list in my cert. As for my master programme ni, I'm satisfied enough to maintain 3 pointers cgpa.
Should plan for my thesis now as I have to submit the framework by middle next week. HAH!!!! Is that mean less than a week??????????.....aiseh.....don't ask.....seems like even the title itself is nowhere to be seen. wakakaka.........

My family my life

P.S. I Love You

I bought new dvd today entitles 'P.S. I Love You'..... Today I'm alone in the house so saja nak ber'emo' sesorang. A very touching story indeed.... Can a person love other person that much...THAT MUCHHHHH..... ? I wonder. My favourite sentences from somewhere "We can't control our emotion, action we can" . When we fall for someone....it simply happens...just like that. But what will happen next depends on our action and of course fate and destiny also have their role. One of my best memories was my years in ITM long time ago ....from Manjung to Shah Alam. There were five of us ...Aida, Yatty, Sidah, Along and Me. All those years and there are us always together.....despite constant disagreements......and five different characters. But then each flaws were complement with each strength. As years gone by .......it so hard to be within each other touch anymore. I miss every one of us...

Me and my Mom

I thank my parents especially my mom for shaping me as an independent person. Maybe being the eldest of five siblings is one of the force factor...lol. Mak....selamat menyambut hari ibu!!!! Love you so much everyday....daily....till my last breath.
Last two weeks my mom came all the way from penang to kuching just to 'help' her daughter...thats me! for those who wonder. hehehehe
My hubby was not around for almost a week at that time and that left me alone to handle my ever-active two kids! AND....what make me almost lost my mind dan berasap satu kepala suma sebb my FINAL exam juz around the corner with all those assignmentssss dateline....endless presentation just one day after another. I want to take a breath-in breath-out....hahahaha.....tp cannot meh....what else to do so RING! RING! RING! I called my mom and she instantly say 'yes'.....well, not that instant but no mother can say 'no' to their kids right.......come on...ur flesh n blood..... :) ..... sin on me.....
Nobody can really sacrifice JUST FOR ME like my parents always did. I remember when I'm in pain to deliver my first daughter, my hubby called my parents and guess what, my mom 'instantly' took the bus from .....(saja nak kepoh!)....the royal town of Kuala Kangsar straight to K.Lumpur just to be my side. My parents are like that since I'm small till this moment of time pun. YES...dulu memang me tak pernah appreciate but being a wife and then a mother myself toughts me a lot....let me emphasis again.....A LOT ...... :)
Certain people whom I regarded very close to me (and vice versa) but when I need them, I literally need to 'beg' for their assistance...help...whatsoever....and still they will be hesitating. Can't blame them with all their so-called big commitments ....again....whatsoever....but I do feel frustrated then by them. Entahla......or should i pick a flower and start counting....is it me...or ...is it them......... hmm........(sigh again.........masyaallah....astagfirullahhal'azim.....)

Lonesome

At some point in time or might be some point in life, have anyone ever experienced a feeling of being alone...lonely....forlorn?????.......and listening to hugh grant & drew barrymore songs 'way back into love'....times....and times....AGAIN! senget kot my brain with all these pressure right and left...down and up.....

Some people..... they try hard to understand me (I know its not an easy task though!!! hahaha)....but in the end the effort resulted in me being neglected. REALLY HUH!!!!!

what the heck....I'm not myself today ....no....definitely NOT for the last few days and might be will remain status quo in coming next few days also.

There are many songs out there saying something like 'in the middle of party but I'm feeling lonely......or ....I'm surrounded by family and friends but still feel isolated'.....hah......what happen to me......??? tak tahu la...

KepadaMu KEKASIH (M.Nasir)

me

GoodLuckToME

Sedikit Info: Maulidur Rasul yang jatuh pada pada hari Khamis 12 Rabiul Awal Tahun Gajah bersamaan dengan 23 April 571 merupakan hari keputeraan Nabi Muhammad S.A.W (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam).
My neighbour sini semuanya pasang lampu lip lap lip lap tu sempena sambutan Maulidur Rasul hari ni. Happening nyer cam nak raya pun ada.

Salam Maulidur Rasul buat semua.

Weekend ni i have my econ paper. Mid-term tp parahnya Allah taala je la yg tahu. Especially when you spent straight 3-4 hours in class but don't have a clue what the lecturer is saying......abis la kalo Dr. Shaz tu baca my blog nie. Tapi betul, me blur abis ni! Okla...gotta go.....study! study! study!

That Special Someone

A very close friend of mine came to Kuching few days ago. Her name is Rasidah and she's one of my very best friend and a friend who knows me very well inside and out. I met her when I was doing my pre-science course way back in ITM Manjung. After that it happened that both of us were taking the same course in ITM Shah Alam- Diploma in Statistics. Gradually we grew closer especially during our degree course when we have to stay outside ITM. We then shared a rented room.

Sidah is very simple person and somehow she knows when to be quiet or when best to 'talk'...hmmm.......Usually I'm the one who talk more than her, but she always be my shoulder to cry on when need be.....hahahaha....

In our relationship, I talk more.....cried more than her, I'm sensitive than her, I'm in pessimist side and she's an optimist and very objective...etc....etc...I think thats why both of us suit each other very well. We're sooo opposite but we complement each other in many ways. There were so many shared moment that will be treasured forever. One of that moment, yang paling me ingat adalah setiap kali nak balik cuti semester mesti me yang nangis beria. bukannya tak jumpa langsung...cuti kejap aje! Both of us....actually we seldom agree with each other...we always have different thoughts and we look at 'things' from quite a different perspective. But it never stop us to care for each other no matter what. Sidah....I love U.....!!!!!!!!!! :)

Though she, her husband Zam and her cute son Mu'az been here for almost 5 full days but still I can't get enough of her. Greedy of me!!!!! For God sake...we haven't met for 6+ years!....there are lots of things I want to tell her, confide with her......just like old times but the moment just pass us by.....(macam citer Julia Robert tu la plak ye!). When I saw her went through the imigresen, I felt a pang of sadness which I can't describe.......... sedeynyaaaa..........huwawawawaaaaaaa

In our life, we meet lots of people from all walk of life. As for me I always treasured several people whom I call best friend...good friend....close friend....... . They are the best thing happened in my life....throughout my life....so far. Hopefully I can meet more special friend like this till my last breath. These friends of mine are everywhere now....north south east west....no matter where they are, they will always hold that special place in my heart. We might only keep in touch once a year or maybe less but my thought of them will remain strong.

That special someone hold that special place in my heart...in me....till end of time.....

Kenangan Terindah (Samson)

Aku yang lemah tanpamu

Aku yang rentan karena

Cinta yang tlah hilang darimu

Yang mampu menyanjungku
Selama mata terbuka

Sampai jantung tak berdetak

Selama itupun aku mampu untuk mengenangmu
Darimu kutemukan hidupku

Bagiku kaulah cinta sejati..

( Begitu engkaulah; cinta sejati )
Bila yang tertulis untukku

Adalah yang terbaik untukmu

Kan kujadikan kau kenangan

Yang terindah dalam hidupku
Namun takkan mudah bagiku

Meninggalkan jejak hidupmu

Yang tlah terukir abadi

Sebagai kenangan yang terindah
Bila yang tertulis untukku

Adalah yang terbaik untukmu

Kan kujadikan kau kenangan

Yang terindah dalam hidupku
Namun takkan mudah bagiku

Meninggalkan jejak hidupmu

Yang tlah terukir abadi

Sebagai kenangan yang terindah

Words with great message

Courtesy from http://www.creativewomensnetwork.co.uk/wordsofinspiration_text.htm

A wonderful Message by George Carlin

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more,but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbour. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air ... but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

My Bundle of Joy

My precious two kids will always be my most treasured 'happening' in my life. Though I scream more than i've ever screamed 5-10 years ago, they always put me in perspective on other matters as well. It is like a roller-coaster, one second you are at the ground and another second you will be high-up on the sky. That is how my life now. One second I will be like the worse mother ever....screaming...yelling...'lecturing'.....hahahah....cannot tahan lar! People with 7 or 8 sense can see all those fire and smoke clouding my head. One second like these and other next second full of laughter and joy. If I'm able to count all of this 'precious moment in time' (suddenly remember Whitney Houston song 'One Moment in Time'...........)...most of it actually are full of happiness.

This quote are taken from book Chicken Soup of the Soul - Life Lessons for Busy Moms:

Too Busy

The dishes are still in the sink.

Dirty laundry is piled high.

Somehow the entire day.

Seemed to just fly by.

I made a "to-do" list.

I meant to follow through.

But there were other tasks.

That needed attention too.

Like cheering on my daughter,

As she took first steps into my arms,

Making sure she stayed safe.

From all potential harms.

Cuddling on the couch.

And reading a favorite story.

Helping her explore the world,

And marvel at all its glory.

So the chores will have to wait.

They aren't that important anyway.

Because I was simply too busy,

Loving my child today.

written by - Sabrina A. Taylor

I like this poem alot! I even forward it to few of my very closest friends. Somehow when I'm too exhausted of my daily routine, by reading and comprehending these beautiful words can enlighten my mood.

It is not an easy task to be grateful (dan bersyukur pada apa yang ada)...not as easy as saying the words. Being grateful takes lots of courage, lots of perseverance, appreciation, learn to accept mistakes and being acceptance of your life. As for me, it is quite hard but nevertheless I need to remind my ownself to be grateful ......grateful....grateful......no excuses!!!! heheheh :)

I'm just a simple normal human being. I have my flaws here and there....will never be perfect. I have my temperament now and then. I envy some people I knows...those people are my family, closest friend, just a friend...many of them actually. I envy their beauty...I envy their intelligence...I envy their honesty.....I envy their charismatic charms.....and I envy that I'm not them!!! how absurd huh? There are times when I envy that no matter how I tried I will never be 'them'..... I will always be JUST ME....heheheh

One of my biggest flaw is that I always carry my past with me. I found myself not somebody who can easily forgive and forget. For quite sometime I myself realized there are so many scars which I carried in me and on me all the time. It hurts but I guess me myself who chose to be hurt. A family or I think I treat her more like my own best friend in her blog written something on 'Don't hold to your pass". I can never argue but totally 100% agree with her. Somehow her writing make me think more of myself. To this dear friend....thanks ha! :)

I have few very bitter 'past'. I don't know if this is the right time to 'let go'. I mean totally letting go. No pain No gain huh....not sure myself. I think I myself should first forgive 'me' first and later to forgive others. One step at a time.

Well, this is me learning to be myself.

JustStarting

Trying to develop a spot....well a blogspot long time ago but 'never' had the time.
Just wanna share my personal thoughts...photo collections (mostly of my family)..and other things as well. Dulu suka sangat menulis...even taking writing course during my years in ITM...(tak best nak panggil UiTM!). I'm trying to brushes up my writing skill...tak tahula masih ada atau dah basi dah my ooooold skill zaman sekolah-sekolah dulu. I should be thanking few of my closest friends who keep encourage me to start a blog. just for the fun of it...well nowadays having 'a' blog site is as common as having an email address. Hmmm........